Life offers us a mirror. It is a gift to look inward and reflect on who we are now and who we are becoming. This mirror reveals what drives us, what makes us happy, what hardens our heart, and what we gives us meaning. Sometimes we learn about ourselves through the tender presence of others, those who gently show us who we are. It is easy to avoid reflecting on our lives and just push forward, but wisdom says that being self-reflective is essential to a life well lived.
A few years ago I learned something about myself. I learned that I didn’t like to miss out on new experiences. I live with a touch of anxiety about being on the sidelines. This hit us all with the full force of a comedy show on my wedding day. My wife, Kelly, and I were married in Cuba with a couple dozen of our best friends. For me, it was sensory overload of the best kind as we snorkelled, sang karaoke, and danced on a white sand beach.
But then came a fatal error: someone put me in charge of the menu, and it was a menu like none that I had ever seen. On our wedding day we sat down for our feast and the servers arrived to set down in front of everyone a full plate of baby eel salad. It looks just like it sounds. There, in front of all of us, including my seafood adverse bride, were mounds of little white eels with eyes staring blankly into the faces of my stunned guests. In a moment all eyes turned from the eels, to me. Today we laugh and squirm over the memory, but those eels were a window into my soul. There’s a term for this behaviour – FOMO – or Fear of Missing Out.
FOMO is now a joke in our family when I’m eager to head out and try a new restaurant. I still love to experience new things, but I am learning to slow down and enjoy the moment with others. I do not have to rush to try something new, I can let an experience pass by without having to jump on board. Often it is the best choice I can make.
Our fear of missing out might not lead to a comedy of errors and a plate full of eels, but it may lead us to miss those people and relationships that are right in front of us. FOMO has a way of stealing us away from others. We cannot linger long with our neighbours because we have places to be. We cannot spend time with our kids skating on the frozen pond because we fear wasting an afternoon when we could be doing other things. Fear of Missing Out drives us to zip through our neighbourhoods and avoid spending our time on the small and beautiful local joys that are found all around us.
The opposite of the Fear of Missing Out is the Joy of Missing Out, or JOMO. We find joy when we slow down and recognize the value of missing out on one thing in favour of another. Missing out on our TV show in favour of playing LEGO with our kids is an example of JOMO. Or we can experience JOMO when we miss out on scrolling through social media in favour of spending the evening with a friend. JOMO is about making conscious decisions about letting go of those things we want to experience in favour of those meaningful moments and connections in our lives and neighbourhoods. JOMO is a gift, a fruit, that is nurtured in our lives and as we look in the mirror we may even smile and give thanks for all that we missed in exchange for the joy of who we are becoming.
