I visited my neighbour at her work recently and I was inspired. She serves as a community builder by helping those who are at risk of homelessness. She’s super creative, helps energize an amazing team under challenging circumstances, and listens so intently to those around her. When I asked her how she navigates the complexity of her work, she said that she is learning the art of asking good questions.
The people I admire most are excellent question-askers. Beloved friends, neighbours, and heroes of mine have discovered the goodness that comes from healthy curiosity and care. Questions that show unconditional high regard for the experiences of others is a form of empathy that truly nurtures life between people. If I ask a question that seeks to understand, clarify, enjoy, or engage with others, something wonderful has a chance to grow.
While it may seem easier to simply tell people what to think, where to go, or what to do, questions honour the relationship and invite others into the unfolding story. Author Randy Reese wrote that “Some things simply take time – transformation of the person is more likely to come about with good questions in good company over time.” When we foster a community of people who ask questions, listen, and respond thoughtfully and lovingly, a healthy community may follow. Good questions in good company over time; this is where amazing neighbourhoods emerge.
Michael Bungay Stanier says that most of the questions we can ask in life are simple: What’s on your mind? And what else? What challenges are before you? What do you want? How can I help? Simple questions allow others to share what is most important to them. Sometimes the way forward is right before us simply inviting us to discover it with a good question.
I have also discovered that good questions can help us see our community in new ways. We can ask our neighbours: How long have you lived here? How has your neighbourhood changed in recent years? What was your childhood neighbourhood like? What do you like to look at out your windows? Where do you like to explore in your neighbourhood? Who are some other neighbours you’ve met on our street? Do you know a good babysitter?
Margaret Wheatley frequently says, “Whatever the problem, community is the answer.” Our questions help us discover the goodness in those around us and shape the way we perceive, see, and love our community. As we turn that page and enter a New Year, what good thing might be waiting behind a question or two in your neighbourhood?
